“I love you” is the most beautiful and most misunderstood phrase in any language. It’s a phrase that reminds us that somebody sees us, and cares about what is going on with us. It’s a phrase that brings a sense of longing, or belonging, or connection. It’s a phrase that comes with a mixed bag of definitions, combined with joy and uncertainty. So, how can we recognize the truth and intention behind those words, especially when “love” has left us bewildered more often than not?
Most of us are starved for love. We rarely get told those words. We may not even remember what love feels like. Why? Perhaps part of the why is that we want love to be real, to be true, to be one of the most important parts of our lives, but often, we just find love to be disappointing. We are mostly familiar with an I love you that comes with conditions, such as, I love you when you do what I expect, or I love you when you get things right, or I love you when you agree with my point of view. It’s the kind of love that has more “I” than “you” in it. I love you when you’re a good kid, or a good spouse, or a good friend is simply a love that’s primarily a one-way street. So, how do we get to a more genuine, long-lasting, unconditional love?
We get there by practice. St. Francis de Sales wrote, “You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working, and you learn to love God and man by loving.” A genuine expression of love is one that exists because your heart is fully engaged, fully prepared to love no matter how often you’re disappointed, or make a mess, or disagree with a viewpoint. You love simply because your heart is bigger than any circumstance, stronger than any failure, and confident that love is indeed the answer to the struggles of life.
In part, this is how God loves you and me. He loves us even when we choose to disappoint Him. He loves us when we make a mess, we can’t clean up by ourselves. He loves us beyond our recklessness and our foolishness and our inability to realize He is always there for us. In fact, 1 John 4:19, says, “We love because God first loved us.” God never loves you to manipulate you. He doesn’t love you because you’re perfect. He loves you because He is the very essence of love, and He can do nothing but love you. He sees you and wants to love you into becoming all He knows you can be. He sees your best and forgives your worst.
Imagine how your heart would rejoice if you could truly look at each person you meet and say with gusto, “I love you.”
The One who forgives you over and over, who lifts you up when you’re down, and loves you unconditionally, wants you to hear His “I love you” so you can echo those words to others as well.
Maybe this is the day to call someone you know, someone you miss, and simply say, “I love you.”